Patience is a Virtue I Don’t Have! [Flashback]

From time to time I’m going to be re-posting some of my favorite posts from the old SportsLizard Entrepreneur Blog that preceded Adam-McFarland.net.  I was fresh out of academia and in the process of leaving corporate America.  This was the true start-up phase for myself, my sites, and later Pure Adapt.  Nothing I write now will quite capture the excitement, doubt, frustration, and passion that is such a part of entrepreneurship in the same way as those 296 posts do.

This particular post was originally written on 11/29/2005, just after the Thanksgiving holiday weekend, and about two months before I decided to quit my job.  It pretty much sums up why a corporate environment was not for me.  I’m glad days like this are in my past.

Patience is one of my weaknesses. I want my goals to be accomplished and I want them done yesterday. Some say that it’s an inherent trait of any entrepreneur – that it helps drive them. Well I certainly hope so because today my impatience is driving me insane.

Today I returned to work after the long holiday and all I could think about was getting to the point where I don’t have to come to work everyday – the point where I can run my business and devote the rest of my time to other things in life that I want to accomplish. Right now it feels like I am wasting 9 hours a day at work. 9 hours that could be spent growing my business and instead just frustrate me.

I always feel like this after a long break. Anything longer than the standard two day weekend and I feel like I am getting a small taste of the life I want to live, only to get thrown back into a life where I waste over 1/3 of my day. It’s a tease that drives me absolutely nuts!

I previously had set a hard date in my head of when I am going to leave my job, so that I don’t just end up staying because of the comfort of a regular paycheck and good benefits. And that time isn’t all that far away. I have a lot to do to get myself and my business to the point where I am ready to leave and I should be focused on that.

Nonetheless, I find myself daydreaming all day long about what I could be doing with the time I am spending at work AND with the time that I work on my business now. I want that life now! I want to spend my time running my business, working with a friend on starting a non-profit organization (more to come on this in the future), and enjoying friends, family, and hobbies (like video games, it eats away at me that I don’t get to play enough Madden ’06).

But I need to find a way to be patient. The company is still paying me to get a job done and for the meantime I need the money. But honestly, money is the only thing that motivates me to go there everyday and for me that is not enough motivation. I see the things that I could be achieving in my life and I see my job as the main barrier to those achievements. The only problem is that my job is the thing right now that is enabling me to pay my rent, pay off my college loans, and buy groceries. Damn money.

It drives me nuts. I just want to be able to spend my time here on earth doing something I love. Part of me says screw the money and just quit today. The rest of me rationalizes that if I quit today I need to pay back my signing bonus (I have to stay at least a year to avoid that and it will be a year at the end of January) and would not be set up at all with health insurance, living arrangements, etc. So I know it’s best to stay the course – I know I’ll be there soon enough. But it still drives me nuts.

OK, that’s the end of my rant. So far my posts had been rather calm, this is one of those days when I am totally frustrated with the fact that things aren’t moving faster. Everyone is going to have days like this, I just need to relax and get back on track. I think I am going to take some time out tonight to watch some college bball to take my mind off of everything. Hopefully I’ll come back fresh tomorrow. Have a good night everyone.

5 comments on Patience is a Virtue I Don’t Have! [Flashback]

  1. Dale says:

    Wow, really cool to see this… it sounds like something I’d post today. It’s neat to be able to peer into the crystal ball and see the future (i.e. where you are today). Are these archives available to read again?

  2. Adam McFarland says:

    Glad you enjoyed it Dale. Yes – the archives are available here. The only other way to reach them would be the somewhat obscure “11/05 – 8/07 (296)” link at the very bottom of the Archives on the home page.

  3. Software Dr. says:

    I understand where you are coming from, about working for a company just because you need the money and have no desire to get and go there … it was almost like you are reading my mind. I wish I had some words of wisdom to impart, but I can’t even help my own damn self. Just know that a lot of people are in your shoes, not that it does any good, but misery loves company. Try to stay positive.

  4. Adam McFarland says:

    Umm Hi “Software Dr.” Thanks for reading and commenting and leaving advice…but per the first paragraph it’s a flashback post from 2005.

  5. […] Adam McFarland titled one of his old SportsLizard posts, Patience is a Virtue I Don’t Have! I want the lifestyle that David describes on his old […]

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